Never say never...

Life, as we all know, is a lesson for us. What I didn't know, but have started to finally figure out is that life LOVES to teach lessons to us and will gladly hammer it in for those of us that are especially hard headed. If you forget or don't get it right the first time, it'll gladly "teach" it to you again and again. Sometimes I'm the unfortunate hard headed idiot. Fortunately, the learned lesson I'm about to "divulge" to you wasn't that all too painful to learn...this time.
So, what have I learned once again?....To NEVER say never.

Yes, I'm one of those guilty people who, despite my best efforts not to, misjudged my sweet mother when I was younger. On rare occasion, I would see her do something that made no sense to me. After the confusion in my head cleared, I'd say to myself, "I'll never do that". Or sometimes I'd misjudge a complete stranger. For example a mother,yelling at her kids in public, her hair frazzled and the kids seemingly on some unknown drug that I now label as"sugar". I'd naively make a list of how my kids will be quiet, clean and how I'll never raise my voice. Are you laughing yet? I am. I now have become my mother, down to the weird way I grind the back of my tongue to my throat to massage an itch, making a noise that well...you'd have to hear it to believe it.I have felt the horror as I realize that I now mimic those same movements that I had in my youth never understood.Even though some of it still makes no sense to me,I now look at my mother and think to myself, "Wow she's been through a lot. You can even see the wisdom in her eyes." Since I've become a mother of 3, I now see the tired mother and just smile, even giggle to myself and it comforts me to know that I now have the sense, thanks to life's lesson, to offer help or relief in any way. Many wonderful lessons have been learned from,"Never saying never". However, the next lesson I'm not so sure about. It may be wonderful or it could just come across as ravings of a woman gone mad, but there ya have it...I'm going to start blogging.
Why oh why? Good question. A question I have asked myself for several weeks now. I must confess that I was one of those people who again, judged and is guilty of being bored at the idea of blogging, even to the point of cringing with a turned up nose to the idea. Blogging? Why? What do these people think they have to offer to others? What makes them that special? What would make me that special? I could never do that. I have nothing to offer.Sounds cynical I know and maybe I was. Cheating myself out of a whole new world to enjoy. Thankfully however, life would kick in to teach me a new lesson of,"Never saying never."
Life likes to use many different elements for it's lessons and I think it's favorite to use are siblings. Or in this case, my youngest sister. She's one of the few people who know me, almost better than I know myself. She's put up with my teasing, my occasional tough love and craziness. She's spent long hours just listening to me,loving me, humoring me. Even at times she has counseled me. She's one of my best friends and...had recently moved to another state. What was worst is that it wasn't a neighboring state either. It was Missouri. I personally liked to tell people that her husband dragged her off to "misery". Although I did understand and support their reasons for going, to me it may as well have been another country.It was like having a piece of me ripped away. She was a comfort that I had always believed would be close by. So...what did she do? She was the smart one and started a blog. A blog, so that the rest of us would know how she was doing,even get to see how she was doing. After reading, it became more than that to me. It was like having my sister back again. And I was happy. Happy to see her in her element. Progressing, growing, learning and blossoming into the very person she's meant to be. A beautiful mother of 3 children who were just as smart, amazing and beautiful as she is. I was now happy that I could be happy for her and no longer try to shut out the reality of her absence. I now knew and no longer just hoped and believed that she was exactly where she needed to be, a place that suited her perfectly. She felt close once again. It was also a WONDERFUL record she was starting to keep. I couldn't help but wish that I had done the same thing and had the records of my childrens births and my thoughts of them as they grew. A record of my thoughts of the heartache and struggle of my divorce along with the wonderful life changing things I have learned from it. A record of what it's like having the challenge and joy of being a mother of 3 amazingly talented and sweet special needs boys.It's not too late though, my oldest being only 8 years old and I'm only uh-hem 29. So, it's been decided. I can and will start now. Here goes. Happy reading to all that stumble upon the read of my life's adventure and silly but heartfelt ramblings. I do however feel the need for a disclaimer before I really get started. I am not an English major, professor, etc. (Not all of us can be as amazing as you Dad). I may have several errors of grammar and punctuation. Sometimes it will be because I was tired or in a hurry. Sometimes it may be due to the fact that I just don't get it. So, please excuse it. I hope you can look past the errors enough to enjoy and even escape into my little world if you're insane enough to go on my crazy little adventure with me, titled as, "Cate's Life, Cate's Confessions". It's time I do this and no longer let a little thing like punctuation phobia hold me back and who knows...maybe that will be another one of life's lessons to me as I do this. I just may learn how to spell and punctuate. ...Well, maybe. "Never say never", right?